過去七週，我們談過幾種達致全德不同的方法。現在我們探討最後的一種 –––––– 聖化社交生活。

普遍的原則

對於人際間的社交關係，亞道夫.鄧奎利神父列出四項普遍的原則：

首先，天主原意，要萬物歸向祂。但人類的墮落，轉而傾向萬物，我們偶一不慎，會背離天主，或至少要奔向天主之時，卻又感到舉步維艱。

其次，天主所願意的人際關係, 如親屬或因盡本份所需的人際關係，應予以維持和超聖化。

其三，我們有責任避免不良或不正當的人際關係。即使無法完全避免，我們應以堅定的意志擯除對那些人的過份依戀。

其四，對於不好不壞的人際關係，我們要以純正意向和節制來使之日趨完善。

友誼的真偽

真正的友誼，是雙方互助互補的共同交往，目的是為了大家的裨益。友誼可以是自然性的，亦可以是超性方面的。真正的朋友，在對方需要時，會起到護、善導、和護慰的作用。

鄧奎利神父寫道：「虛假的友誼，建基不深，又或建基於外在的討好，淪為自私自利的交往。」

聖方濟.沙雷將虛假的友誼分成: 肉慾的、感性的、愚蠢的。

肉慾的友誼，顧名思義，是慾性快感發洩的交往。感性的友誼，稚源於外在的美感、五官的觀觸（如美態鶯音）。愚蠢的友誼是建立於與德行無關的成就, 例如：舞蹈、歌唱、耍把戲、和穿時尚服裝。

鄧奎利神父續寫道：「假的友誼，普遍始於青春期，受本性去愛和被愛的需要驅使，通常都是越軌的性愛。」

虛假的友誼是神修的最大障礙，傷神費時，消磨意志，污染身心。我們要堅拒和杜絕虛偽友誼的萌芽，割席絕交任何此等的往來。

有時侯，友誼當中夾雜了好壞的原素。假如好的原素正在主導著，我們可保存友誼並加改淨化；假如壞的、情慾上的原素正在主導著，需要提供雙方一個「冷靜期」，爭取靈性上的喘息及平安，並讓私慾平靜下來。若然重建友誼，必需是更高層次的友誼；否則，應斷然放棄關係。

聖言的指引

聖經中的德訓篇，把真正的友誼，看做人際關係的一種特殊恩賜：

「忠實的朋友，是無價之寶，他的高貴無法衡量：金銀也比不上他忠實的美好。忠實的朋友，是生命和不死的妙藥；惟有敬畏上主的人，才能尋得。敬畏上主的人，才有真正的友誼，因為他怎樣，他的朋友也怎樣。」

「不要離棄舊友，因為新知不如故交；新友有如新酒，若成了陳酒，你纔喜歡痛飲。」

In the past seven weeks we have looked at different means of perfection. This week we will conclude this series of articles by looking at the fourth exterior means, the sanctification of our social relationships.

General principles

Regarding social relationships, Father Adolphe Tanquerey, author of The Spiritual Life, laid down four general principles:

First, in God’s initial plan, creatures were designed to raise us up to God; but since the fall, creatures can be so attractive to us that if we are not careful, they will turn us away from God, or at least retard our progress toward Him.

Second, relationships that are willed by God, such as those born of family ties or imposed by our duties, are to be maintained and “supernaturalized.”

Third, we have the obligation to flee as far as possible from relationships that are a danger to us or are bad. If it is impossible to avoid them, we must remove them morally by fortifying our will against the disordered attachment to such persons.

Fourth, relationships that are indifferent (neither good nor bad in themselves) should be turned into good by purity of intention and by moderation.

True and false friendship

True friendship is a mutual communication between two persons with the purpose of procuring each other’s good. If the good mutually shared belongs to the natural order, it is a natural friendship. If the good is spiritual, it is a supernatural friendship, which is far superior. A true friend acts as protector, counsellor, and comforter in times of need.

Father Tanquerey wrote: “False friendship has for its foundation external or shallow qualities, and for its purpose the enjoyment of the sight and charms of its object.”

St. Francis de Sales defined three types of false friendship: carnal, sentimental, and foolish. In carnal friendship, a person seeks voluptuous pleasure. Sentimental friendship is based mainly on outward qualities which appeal to the emotions, such as pleasure in beholding a beautiful person or hearing a sweet voice. Foolish friendship is based on accomplishments which have little to do with virtues, such as accomplishments like dancing, singing, clever playing, and fashionable dressing.

Father Tanquerey wrote: “These various kinds of friendship generally begin with adolescence and are born of the instinctive need we feel of loving and being loved. Often they are a kind of deviation of sexual love.”

False friendship constitutes one of the greatest obstacles to spiritual growth. This kind of relationship absorbs the mind and wastes time. It also weakens the will and endangers purity of heart and body. False friendship should be rejected and resisted at its beginning. We must be very determined in the breaking of such a friendship.

Sometimes there can be a mixture of good and bad elements in our friendships. If the good elements are predominant, then we may continue the friendship while purifying it. But if the elements of sentiment are predominant, then we must take “time off” from the relationship to allow sentiment to cool down and to allow calm to return to the soul.

If we renew the relationship, it must take on a different character, otherwise the proper thing to do is to sever the relationship for good.

Scriptural quotations

Friendship is a human relationship of special interest to the author of the Book of Sirach.

“A loyal friend is something beyond price; there is no measuring his worth. A loyal friend is the elixir of life, and those who fear the Lord will find one. Whoever fears the Lord makes true friends, for as a person is, so is his friend too” (6:15-17).

“Do not desert an old friend; the new one will not be his match. New friend, new wine; when it grows old, you drink it with pleasure” (9:10).